I’ve been very MIA from the blog and the truth is I don’t know what to do. I’ve always had this dream of writing but I feel that I haven’t been writing what’s closest to my heart. I want to be able to discuss important topics and motivate people. I want to write stories that will make someone, anyone, feel like it’s their story. I want to have an impact on somebody’s life through my words.
I want a lot that I’m utterly scared of. And many of us also want these things. And why am I entitled to have it when many don’t? I realised I’ve been dreaming for many years but not actually actively pursuing my dreams. They’re just that. Dreams. Not goals. And there is a huge difference between a dream and a goal. Something attainable. Through hard work and passion and perseverance. I’m not saying I haven’t worked hard. I truly have. There were days I sat for hours just writing, organising, trying to write about something that would matter. But I now feel like I’ve drowned in a large, large sea full of others trying to be just as successful.
I can’t tell you how many times people told me ‘I love how you write.’, ‘I feel like it’s just easy to read and connect with you’ or ‘I read your blog’. And this last one is just as important as telling me you love my writing, you would maybe love reading a book under my name. I feel connected to myself when I write, but I don’t write to only feel connected to myself, I need connection to others. If any aspiring author tells you they write for themselves, I don’t think you should believe them. I’m not looking for fame or wealth but I am looking for readers. People who are eager to read my words, my world, my soul. Readers like me, who drop everything at the mention of a new book from a loved author. So I feel like I’m stuck. Because I do want to write. I want to continue this journey. But I only want to write whatever I feel like writing. I pushed myself into this box where everyone needs to be writing about books or beauty or cooking or travelling. And I just don’t fit in this kind of box. I love writing about all these things, yes. I love them all. But I need more than just this. I need my short stories and inspirational words and I need to just be myself, typing away for hours non-stop about everything and anything at the same time.
I hope this makes sense. At least to some of you. And I hope any of you still feels like coming back here and maybe learn something or teach me something one day.