An introspection of past relationships – Part 2 🙊🙊

Hi, hello! Welcome to another one of these and happy Monday everyone! I got great feedback from you all on part 1 so I’ll continue this sort of introspection today.

I really have learnt a lot from past experiences and even though I focused more on what I now want in a relationship, I can honestly say I’ve learnt a lot about myself too. I had a relationship that didn’t last very long but I still find it extremely important because it taught a lot about who I am as a person. And who I wanted to become. I met the coolest, most laid-back guy I’ve ever known when I was in my last year of high school. You know the whole he’s in college, drives, kind of thing? Yeah. That definitely got me too. But he was more than that, of course. I said he’s the most laid-back guy I’ve ever known. And that’s true. Still today, I haven’t met someone quite like him. And I was an ass towards him and in our relationship.

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We dated for a few months but I didn’t have the commitment gene back then. I don’t know if it was because I was too scared of the future or if my first relationship had messed with me so badly that I still couldn’t be in a serious one at the time. Either way, I cheated. Yep. I feel awful, even now, writing the word. But this is my naked truth. I obviously didn’t realise it then, but this taught me that I can be the type of person I absolutely hate. It showed me I wasn’t ready and I shouldn’t be in a relationship before I got my sh*t together. I was still hurting, I had a lot going on and I was not letting it go, I was absorbing everything and keeping it inside me. Then, when given the opportunity, I preferred throwing it all away (for someone I could never have, no less) than dealing with the fact that this quite amazing person could leave me.

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And, truth be told, he was amazing. He gave me his all. He showed me love and loyalty and support. He was my friend. And I don’t know if there ever was love between us… that’s incredibly hurtful to write and I really hope he’s not reading this right now (I hope you’re not… if so, I’m truly sorry.) but there was friendship. A very loyal friendship. So from this excruciating experience, I learnt that I could be very mean and hurtful sometimes. I found out I was in so much pain, that I needed to hurt others and push them away just so I wouldn’t get hurt myself. But I also learnt that friendship is incredibly beautiful and valuable and I wanted, one day, to be able to call my partner, my best-friend. (Spoiler alert: he is.)

So, this wasn’t easy to write, to show you. But it was my reality. I’ve learnt from this relationship just like I have from others. Did I learn this when it all happened? Hell, no! I fell in love with the one person I could never ever have. Yep, the one who I cheated this one with… Should I tell you all about it next week? Til this day, that relationship is probably the one that taught me the most.

Post photo by Caleb Ekeroth on Unsplash

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